NEVER SHAVE YOUR TOES and other stuff I wish I'd figured out earlier...

Sure, there is advice ad nasuem about what to do with your life.  Been there, read that, probably wrote some of it too :)  This post is about the decisions I regret from time to time.  The ones insignificant and yet, present enough to irk me almost daily.  Had I known better, I probably would not have done...... ~ wait~...... I take it back.... I still would have had to find out for myself.  If you are lazy and don't want to do it the hard way, then I suggest you read these:

I know when you have the pretty polish shining, and a nice pedicure it seems contraindicated to sport a few hairs on your big toe.  Frankly, they clash with the aforementioned girlishness of perhaps, glitter or even flower decals.  However, and I beg you, DO NOT shave the few hairs on your big toe.  You will find regret in the form of a ape like proliferation in the future.  Just trust me on this one.

I thought it charming and cozy to match my towels to every bathroom in my house when I was 25.   Yes, I hung a few 'display' towels back in the day, which, frankly crack me up now. I was married in the era of 'jewel tones', emerald green, ruby red, and sapphire blue decor.

Now I wish I had only EVER purchased WHITE. 

 I would love a linen closet filled with the exact same color.  White.  I could then bleach to my hearts content and feel certain I would not ruin a thing.  As it stands, I am still choosy in the extreme about my towels.  Mostly, it is a smell qualifier, but I also infinitely prefer a white towel that smells of hard bleach.  If I had it to do again.....

I would only buy white.

 I have also kept too much wedding fodder for too long.  It has taken me almost 2 decades to realize that just because it is expensive does not necessarily mean I love it or even like it.  Don't cling to 'stuff' or display stuff just because it is costly.  Who cares if its displayed or stored safely, if it doesn't truly speak to you and make your space lovely or inspired. 

I remember literally putting everything we got after we were married in the 'knick nack' category on one shelf!

ALL OF IT. 

The very idea of that, makes me want to poke my eyes right out of my head.

  Why did I do that?  Because it was m.i.n.e. Silly, silly display dysfunctional girl.

Purge

The singular and new and deeply comforting experience of sleeping next to someone else for the first little while was remarkable to me. Remarkably contented yet remarkably sleep deprived.  Every time Marc moved, I woke up.  Every time I woke up my neck was 'cricked' and stuck in 'slept on chest' position.  Sleeping next to Marc was like snuggling up with a V8, dude sleeps HOT. 

I happily endured MANY years of the midnight snore/heat/locked neck shuffle.

Until the day I just couldn't.  So I didn't.  I went to the other side of the bed and got some serious sleep.  Baby, I love me some good sleep. 

Now, its cuddle, huddle, cuddle, huddle, BREAK~ go to your opposite corner....SLEEP

Wait.  I would learn to wait.  I would just kick it and watch a little more.  I wouldn't drive so fast and hard to achieve what I wanted.  I would stop.  I would listen.  I would just plain wait patiently.  Your posture in your marriage and in your life is all about the vantage point that brings joy.  When I am pushing myself and others (okay, Marc) I forget to check out the entire vista.

The vista's,......that is where LIFE actually IS. 

I would do better at this one thing for sure.

Probably

but....I am fond of driving :)

It is interesting to me that I keep coming back to myself. 

I keep arriving at the same conclusion.

Over

and

Over.

The conclusion:  I should have trusted myself more.  I should have owned my identity more.

I should have let go of trying so dang hard, and just allowed ideas to come to fruition on their own.

They do.

and yet....

I think the not shaving the toes is still viable advice you should consider, 

unless you want to remember to shave them the rest of your life.

Imagine yourself in retirement with giant bushy toe hair....

I know.....gew

I might not be right about the rest, but about the

TOES

?

DEFINITELY

Editors Note ~ Those are NOT m.y. TOES above.... N.O.T.

Formidable Female

A discussion I had with my husband last night really lit a fire in my chest.  We were discussing what it takes to raise children in what we consider, "The Last Days".  The days before Jesus Christ will return and we will ALL know the truth, have the answers and figure it out FINALLY.

In our dissection of the order and manifestation of things as 'they really are' we feel like it is time to "shore up".  What does that mean exactly?  It means its time to be 'on guard' and 'defensive' and 'proactive' in our resources and energy issued to protect our family.

It is time to be ready to fight.

Fight for what is worthy and good and true, is what I mean.  Our job as parents INCLUDES fighting.  We absolutely have to.  Evil abounds, Satan knows what he is doing, and we can't ignore the fact that we have to be prepared and 'armed' for battle.

Oh, do I ever struggle.... I do.  There is a part of me that is just a fighter.  By definition, I am a warrior.  I am.  It is just in my construction.  I feel a great inclination to defend my children and home at every cost. I am a formidible female, on guard, on watch and ready.  I have an extremely fierce and fiery side.  In my core, I am a protector.

Yet, truly, I am only strong because my life has value immeasurable.  I glean strength from the structure of our home.  Marc is the leader, hands down.  I feel stronger because I know for a fact that he has us under his protection.  I feel emboldened knowing he will ALWAYS be our protector.  Thus, I feel I am truly capable to fight for what we know is right in our family.

And...

My nature is very feminine, lovely, beautiful and sweet.  That is who I am too. 

Thus this particular conflict within my own definition.

 I struggle like crazy with both sides. 

My conclusion last night became audible for the first time.

It is:

I am a fighter.  I was made to be fierce and bold and indomitable. 

It is that way because  what I am protecting is so, so good and so beautiful and so rare.

A righteous family.

Its time to shore up and be fierce and unfailing with truth.

and

I am feminine, thus by divine design to allow my perceptions and nurturing to be honored.  I trust my womanly instincts better than I ever have before.  I can tell the difference between emotive rants and true intuition.  These too, make me more formidable.

Both

I

NEED

BOTH

With both fight and femininity I can create and protect God's most important institution.

The family.

I am beginning to understand that I came this way for a reason.

A very important one, not to be ignored or denied.

I'm a warrior fighting for my family.

Every single day.

Dukes Up Baby

The Valentines Heart Mend ~ORRC style

In general, I'm not much of a cryer.  I don't know why.  I just don't usually cry when other people do.  When my children were born I did not shed a tear.  Rather, I was in a state of shock and kept repeating,"I can't believe he is real", stuff like that. Its like I stand outside of most major events as a commentator instead of as a participator.  Odd? I suppose. Just me, though.

YET

This week I had my heart broken and then mended and it....

Made me cry! 

Yes, I suppose, now I am one of those sappy eye leaker all overers.  I give.

Wanna know what did it?  What melted my uniquely dry heart?

Oh, alright, I'll tell you, but only cause' you will not stop asking. :)

Once upon a time, 6 years ago... I started running.  True, I surprised myself by finishing 5 whole minutes on a treadmill initially, and then, well, it took on a life of its own.  I would wake up feeling like running and couldn't wait to get outside.  It changed my life. I ran my first 10k with the Oregon Road Runners Club in Champoeg Oregon.  My goal was just to finish.  I did.  I got my little yellow fleece jacket and felt like I was on top of the world.

Then I got very sick.

Very.

I had pneumonia on repeat/extreme fatigue/pain in every joint in my body/headaches etc...etc....

I fell into 'survival' mode.  My life consisted of making sure kids are clean and fed and got to school.  I stopped moving and surrendered to the disease I was once diagnosed with years before: 

Systemic Lupus.  It came back with a vengeance and I lost my momentum.

LONG STORY ~ shorter~ We moved to Washington, I stayed ill for about 5 years.  I was frozen.

Until last summer...

I walked around my block with my hips literally SCREAMING with every step, my shoulder completely locked and arm unusable, and with a significant amount of weight I had gathered while ill and unconsciously eating and not moving.  It was embarrassing to walk that day. I was consumed with self awareness and pride.

But...

I kept walking and walking and walking and walking.  Little by little by little I got stronger.  I started a new medication and began to heal a bit.  Still had symptoms, but was able to move.  I started jogging/running a few minutes at a time.  Truly feeling like 10 whole minutes was a miraculous running phenomenon worthy of the 5 o'clock news :)

Every time I would run I would pay an extremely high price in the 'pain management' column of my life for days on end.  Yet, I kept going.  My momentum was returning... one step (literally) at a time.

I set a goal to re-run the Champoeg race in Oregon that I had done 6 years before.

The idea of that scared me to death.  Which is why I decided I had to do it.

I jumped online to find out when the race was and started running.

I came back to officially 'sign up' and discovered I was TOO LATE! The race was CLOSED!!!

I literally felt my heart break and my stomach lurch... Waves of sadness roared in my ears.

THEN...(because I'm a persistent little bugger)

I started BEGGING.....seriously......BEGGING the ORRC leaders to let me run...  I told them a little about how symbolic the race was to me and pleaded for a chance.  All those miles, all the workouts, every time I fought this damnable disease to get to do this race again was slipping away from my grasp.  I am only one teeny tiny step ahead of Lupus and I thought,

"Crap its going to get me again".

And then.....

The night before Valentine's Day I got a call from Billy Strick.  A stranger.  The guy in charge of the races for ORRC.  He MELTED my heart by telling me they would add me to the race.  To top that, they are doing it for FREE!  I was elated to say it mildly. Here is the letter I got the next day:

Steve Steiner

Feb 14 (1 day ago)

Good Morning Debi,

Billy Strick and I are excited to have you take part in the 10k!

Attached please find the registration form for your complimentary entry to the Champoeg 10k / 30k on March 3. Please mail the completed form to the listed address. We look forward to finishing the 10k!

Sincerely,

Steve Steiner

I had to leave on some errands right after the call and for heaven's sake I BAWLED the whole way in my car by myself.  I just truly could not hold it back.  Water works USA!

Can you stand it?  Isn't that so WONDERFUL, that they would do that for me? 

I'm so so so grateful.

I'm going on March 3rd to reclaim my 'true' self on the trail. 

The symbolism couldn't have happened anywhere else.

Thank You ORRC!!!!

I'm slow...but I am going to finish if I have to freaking crawl and scratch to the end with my fingernails in the dirt, dragging a locked shoulder and an old lady hip down that trail to the

finish line!

I'm coming back.

In EVERY way.

SHE BELIEVED SHE COULD......AND

SHE WILL.



~LIGHT LOOKER UPPER~

My wonderful husband and I were blessed enough to visit our temple here in Seattle this weekend. 

And as I am 'wont' to do from time to bloggity time, I realized something. 

I am a

LOOKER UPPER

I know it may seem more reverent or pious to keep my head bowed.  Yet, during meetings and sometimes during quiet prayers, I look up.  Everyone else is looking down.  I look up.

I can't help it.

That is where the LIGHT IS

 Am I in trouble?  Should I be?  It's in my nature to look to the light, yours too.

I LOVE the reflections, literally and figuratively. Light breeds light.

In our temples there are often chandeliers.  They are the perfect symbol of that principle.

Reflect is a VERB.  The crystal and glass reflect if filled and so do we. 

 If we are filled with the LIGHT.

It is my 'pinion that there is very little difference in

THIS LIGHT

and in

THIS LIGHT

Really, they are the same.  We are suppose to LOOK UP for answers, inspiration, guidance, help, more understanding.  It is much easier for us here on earth if we have the truth

ILLUMINATED.

Next time the sacrament is passed.  Try looking up at the lights.

Recognizing the symbolic source of the literal LIGHT.

and then

LET

IT

SHINE

Some lady 'BROKE MY SMOLDER' yesterday. :(

Still 'SMARTNG' from something that happened yesterday.

Feeling quite CRUSHED actually

I can't let this one go for some reason. Pity pot USA

I ran 6 miles yesterday.

During my run, I notice a car slowing down and a lady popping her head out the window.

She yelled, "GOOD FOR YOU!!"

I pulled out my ear buds and said, "Excuse Me?" "I couldn't hear you".

She said, "GOOD FOR YOU!"

I smiled and said, "Yeah, thanks!" and kept running.

But, what I felt was awash with shame and negativity.

My guess is that she doesn't pull over for the average runner and say, "GOOD FOR YOU!"

Just my particular SIZED runner gets her attention.

I mean, seriously? I'm sure she meant well, but what it sounded like was like someone talking to a child to try to convince them they are doing well while actually what they are thinking is, "Ooh, I hope you don't blow it."

I suppose I could have taken it that way.

Yet, I did not.

This happened in the Fall while I was riding my bike as well.

Some lady in a VW bug yelled out the same saccharin, "GOOD FOR YOU!"

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

I'm going to make a shirt with my story screen printed on it and wear it when I go running.

This is what it would say:

I HAVE BEEN EXTREMELY ILL FOR 5 YEARS

I AM ONLY ONE TEENY TINY STEP AHEAD OF A RAMPANT DISEASE

YET, I AM RUNNING ANYWAY

SO

SHUT UP

AND GET OUT OF YOUR CAR

AND

LETS RACE!

FIRST ONE TO THE FINISH LINE MAKES THE OTHER ONE

KISS THEIR "WELL WORN running shoes"

(I'll let you guess what I really want them to kiss )

People

Bug

Winter Green=Seattle's scene

You know that mint gum; Wintergreen?

Although we have had a spell of white.

I feel certain that they may in fact have named it thus, because of the emerald city.

Those of us who live, reside and love this place, earn every flower and every green leaf.

We are making layaway payments right now, on a beautiful spring on its way.

The temperate 50 ish degrees this week means we can visit the

beach

mountains

museums

Is it bragging too much to call it truly

Idyllic?

We love it here. 

Thought I would put a few photos on here for the blog book yet printed.

Winter Green = Seattle's Winter Scene

I'm going to teach you something about TEACHING SOMETHING

I've been privy to a couple conversations of late that make me

 'disagree in my head/and promise to do a post about it later'.

I am going to be NO FUN to talk to soon, for fear I will post your remarks.

 Eh, I'll risk it.

The topic at hand is teachers.  I feel completely confident in my absence of intent as I am no longer teaching professionally, or even in church at present.  So, watch out, TRUTH, here we come.

The 'rumor mill' was grinding on my teaching style as a preschool teacher a few years ago.  The rumor: "She loves the kids and is great with them but she is not academic enough." I want my child to be READING by kindergarten for that price!  Alas, 'rumor mill' phraseology makes for a dry and tasteless bread that must be choked down regardless of

the flaky croissant of REALITY sitting right in front of them.

The REALITY is this one simple concept:

IF THE CHILD TRULY FEELS THAT YOU CARE ABOUT THEM

 (they can spot 'posers' a mile away!)

THEY WILL PRODUCE BETTER.

also

THEY WILL LISTEN BETTER.

THEY WILL TAKE STRIDES IN TRYING TO PLEASE YOU OTHERWISE NOT TAKEN

THEY WILL FUNCTION WILLFULLY AND WITH ENTHUSIASM

THEY WILL PROGRESS MUCH FASTER ACADEMICALLY AND SOCIALLY

Notice how Heavenly Father helps things grow.  (above photo) 

The basic elements are proffered.  Yet, the LIGHT ENERGY (Sun) is what pulls the whole plant out of seed to its fruition as flower. 

 Any teacher can run flashcards/correct/drill/

choke with curriculum needs

then hit repeat 10 million times...

HOWEVER

Really good teachers infuse what they are teaching with THEIR ENERGY.  They give it away to your kids.  With this, the child can bloom and grow.  The minutia will manifest itself in their progress when they are ready and developmentally primed.  It will.  Yet, without a direct connection to a generously loving teacher it will take longer and flourish in 'people pleasing' instead of intellectual stimulation.

Long term the results are much better with a beautifully caring teacher

compared to a rigid facts focused one.

Facts are good. 

The fact is if you want to teach a child you have to learn to love them first.

If they KNOW you care about them as little people, they WILL thrive.

Start there, and then hit the flash cards :)