The Valentines Heart Mend ~ORRC style

In general, I'm not much of a cryer.  I don't know why.  I just don't usually cry when other people do.  When my children were born I did not shed a tear.  Rather, I was in a state of shock and kept repeating,"I can't believe he is real", stuff like that. Its like I stand outside of most major events as a commentator instead of as a participator.  Odd? I suppose. Just me, though.

YET

This week I had my heart broken and then mended and it....

Made me cry! 

Yes, I suppose, now I am one of those sappy eye leaker all overers.  I give.

Wanna know what did it?  What melted my uniquely dry heart?

Oh, alright, I'll tell you, but only cause' you will not stop asking. :)

Once upon a time, 6 years ago... I started running.  True, I surprised myself by finishing 5 whole minutes on a treadmill initially, and then, well, it took on a life of its own.  I would wake up feeling like running and couldn't wait to get outside.  It changed my life. I ran my first 10k with the Oregon Road Runners Club in Champoeg Oregon.  My goal was just to finish.  I did.  I got my little yellow fleece jacket and felt like I was on top of the world.

Then I got very sick.

Very.

I had pneumonia on repeat/extreme fatigue/pain in every joint in my body/headaches etc...etc....

I fell into 'survival' mode.  My life consisted of making sure kids are clean and fed and got to school.  I stopped moving and surrendered to the disease I was once diagnosed with years before: 

Systemic Lupus.  It came back with a vengeance and I lost my momentum.

LONG STORY ~ shorter~ We moved to Washington, I stayed ill for about 5 years.  I was frozen.

Until last summer...

I walked around my block with my hips literally SCREAMING with every step, my shoulder completely locked and arm unusable, and with a significant amount of weight I had gathered while ill and unconsciously eating and not moving.  It was embarrassing to walk that day. I was consumed with self awareness and pride.

But...

I kept walking and walking and walking and walking.  Little by little by little I got stronger.  I started a new medication and began to heal a bit.  Still had symptoms, but was able to move.  I started jogging/running a few minutes at a time.  Truly feeling like 10 whole minutes was a miraculous running phenomenon worthy of the 5 o'clock news :)

Every time I would run I would pay an extremely high price in the 'pain management' column of my life for days on end.  Yet, I kept going.  My momentum was returning... one step (literally) at a time.

I set a goal to re-run the Champoeg race in Oregon that I had done 6 years before.

The idea of that scared me to death.  Which is why I decided I had to do it.

I jumped online to find out when the race was and started running.

I came back to officially 'sign up' and discovered I was TOO LATE! The race was CLOSED!!!

I literally felt my heart break and my stomach lurch... Waves of sadness roared in my ears.

THEN...(because I'm a persistent little bugger)

I started BEGGING.....seriously......BEGGING the ORRC leaders to let me run...  I told them a little about how symbolic the race was to me and pleaded for a chance.  All those miles, all the workouts, every time I fought this damnable disease to get to do this race again was slipping away from my grasp.  I am only one teeny tiny step ahead of Lupus and I thought,

"Crap its going to get me again".

And then.....

The night before Valentine's Day I got a call from Billy Strick.  A stranger.  The guy in charge of the races for ORRC.  He MELTED my heart by telling me they would add me to the race.  To top that, they are doing it for FREE!  I was elated to say it mildly. Here is the letter I got the next day:

Steve Steiner

Feb 14 (1 day ago)

Good Morning Debi,

Billy Strick and I are excited to have you take part in the 10k!

Attached please find the registration form for your complimentary entry to the Champoeg 10k / 30k on March 3. Please mail the completed form to the listed address. We look forward to finishing the 10k!

Sincerely,

Steve Steiner

I had to leave on some errands right after the call and for heaven's sake I BAWLED the whole way in my car by myself.  I just truly could not hold it back.  Water works USA!

Can you stand it?  Isn't that so WONDERFUL, that they would do that for me? 

I'm so so so grateful.

I'm going on March 3rd to reclaim my 'true' self on the trail. 

The symbolism couldn't have happened anywhere else.

Thank You ORRC!!!!

I'm slow...but I am going to finish if I have to freaking crawl and scratch to the end with my fingernails in the dirt, dragging a locked shoulder and an old lady hip down that trail to the

finish line!

I'm coming back.

In EVERY way.

SHE BELIEVED SHE COULD......AND

SHE WILL.