FA- reeky

I decided my middle ageness is making me too serious today.

so

I'm doing a post on stuff that gives me the jimmies...

You know 'the jimmies' that creep along the spine and a gag reflex combined.

Not to be mistaken for the "Jimmers' which is a totally different thrill along a goose bumped arm from watching Jimmer Freddette score a three pointer from half court.

The Jimmies presents: Freaky glossed statue ornamentation on restaurants. Gew.

It must have started with "Bob's Big Boy" back in the 70's..... I'm afraid of those things man.

and then there is my most fiendish freak out... TOES

and anything to make them make a sound or scratch or squish or squidge with toes..

My dog likes to lick Marc's toes and I am not kidding when I tell you that I have to scream or leave the room and most times do both!!!! how can they stand each other??

This is a advertisement complete with re-inactment, I recently saw aired about a toe cleaner and the person keeps swishing their toes through this thing back and forth....wait...I have to stop typing, I just threw up in my mouth.


I hate riding in the back of a family wagon. There is always a petrified french fry or permanent marker about to mark my shoes that freaks me out. I can usually hear a 'stick' release sound on the vinyl when I get out. Then I want to take a bath. My car, surely co habituates with this moving vehicle Popsicle too. I just am spoiled with the front I suppose.


and these....well, truth be told, I'm sort of freakishly fond of really.. I think they are killer funny and at the same time.... they ride the line of 'gew' ....and 'ewwwww'. that's probably why they cause me to react at all. They work. Gew and Eww and a twinge of what if??????




yeppers,....Ti's I. Mrs. Claus..... see... it gives you a chill right???




I guess I am just trying to remember how funny life can be today. I need a 'release' from all the mothers day divaness and a reality swap on the cheek. Life is FA-reeky too. I love life. It cracks me up!



This is my FA-reek filled sonny boy Carter. He makes me laugh everyday!

What FA-reeks you out?

and now.......what MORMON WOMEN ARE

I am a Mary not a Martha. So, indulge me with a lengthy post on what.... MORMON WOMEN ARE. Put down the dishes and read a while....

Its very simple, really, it is. What Mormon women ARE. We,...listen to the collective gasp.... are NORMAL!!!!! There, I said it. Normal. Usually 'normal' is my very very least favorite word. It just sounds so 'nasal' and denotes mediocrity and thus transcends the 'ick' word list to deep bottom.

However, for this discussion, that word is the one I am going to start with. Normal. Yup. We genuinely hate doing errands, scheduling households, vacuuming out the car, dealing with liquid 'sick' in the middle of the night, sitting through long meetings at church, trying to find order in our freezers.....all of that, yep, we pretty much hate it all. Just like you. There is no Pollyanna perfect singing ballads as we go about our homemaking day to day blowing sunshine around. I wish.

And yet, we ARE there. We are trying. I will tell you why with one name. Jesus Christ. Mormon women are just trying their darnedest to copy HIM. Do what he has asked and do it as wonderfully well as we possibly can.

We are still trying, when it does seem so many have given up. Sometimes we give up too. I do. There are times I just want to curl up in a fetal position and sit in the corner of my closet with a sign on the door that says, "DONE".

Every woman I have ever known has those moments. Knowing that my Savior is in fact REAL, very real and knows me and wants me to succeed in the precious work of nurturing children and building a solid family, makes me well. I open that 'proverbial closet door' take the 'done' sign off and just keep going and trying some more.



There are so many dimensions to women. Too many to type. Layers upon layers of life make us who we are daily. Mormon women are no different except, by one radiant definition that pulls our divine nature to the forefront. We know we are daughters of a Heavenly Father. We know he loves us. We know he has a plan for us.



Mormon women have an assurance that every little effort, every little attempt at following our Savior, every little tiny bit of energy we put forward to help and serve, truly changes us. We become more beautiful. We become more centered. We become more courageous. We give up stuff that the world says we shouldn't because it eventually gives us more. The beautiful 'more' that you simply cannot get from following another course.



When you give up more, you will get more, later. Fact. AND...when you give up the world you get the world. This is my darling brother in law Jeff and his sweet wife Lisa. They have 5 kids. Their latest being Miss Abigail Rose, of the infant heart defect/drama/surgery/success. Love like this doesn't happen from being self involved and self serving. It comes from sacrifice and serving each other. Passion happens when you cling to the best and brightest in life.



Oh, please don't get me wrong. These two monkeys above don't know a thing. We have NO IDEA what we are doing. Seriously. We don't. Our reality is that we are TOGETHER and TRYING. Enduring the life we have built for all its beauty and all its boundaries. They go together, you see, .......BOUNDARIES = BEAUTY. Mormon women know this.



Family life. Building relationships that we deem eternal. Supporting. Communicating. Trying. Working at all the hard stuff everyone would love to avoid. All of it. Its hard. Its sometimes painful. It matters. Mormon women know that.


(photo courtesy of http://www.kitchencorners.com/)

Literally passing on life. Putting your life on a proverbial 'alter'. Giving life from life. Mormon women do this. We know motherhood is divine. We feel the guidance of God in our roles. We are willing to follow. This is strength and this is light and life and this is who we are.



Mormon women believe in sharing what is true. We are not ashamed of the gospel of Jesus Christ. If I found a buried treasure, the first thing I would want to do is show somebody. It is the same thing with the purity and peace of being a "Mormon Woman". I just don't want you to be mad at me later for not tellin' ya.




This is a photo of my friend Shauna. She taught me the greatest lesson one night. We were executing the now antiquated "Ward Activity". Unless you have served as a chairman or been married to one, you will never know exactly how truly exhausting they are. We had been at the church for probably 13/14 hours. Everyone had gone home. The kitchen was still a mess. I told Shauna she had done enough and to go ahead and go home and I would finish the rest. She had defiantly done WAY more than her share. She said, "I'm staying till the bitter end". She did. She didn't leave until that kitchen was moped and looked like no one had ever even used it.

"I'm staying till the bitter end". We do... We don't just 'do our share'. We endure.



There is not a secret thing about our temple promises. There ARE 'sacred' things. These promises give us direction and connection. Mormon women want both. Recognizing that we are spiritual beings having an earthly experience, instead of earthly beings having a spiritual one. We were spirits first. It is, oh, so hard to remember that, but we try.



Don't forget especially this Sunday, Mother's Day. That behind every cupcake, decoration, necklace, hairdo, outfit, party, dinner, clean towel, wholesome meal, wiped counter top, and remembered activity.....is a MOM. Maybe not a Mormon mom, or maybe not a Mormon woman, but somebody beautiful and female is usually is behind it ALL. Lets support each other instead of tear each other down, shall we?



Its easy to feel invisible with what we do as women isn't it? We are a force. But, usually the force behind something or someone else. Its still a force though. I own it. I stopped seeking validation from outer sources long long ago to pat my head and tell me I am worthwhile. I am NOT invisible, or invincible, but I AM doing a very important work with my life as a 'behind the scenes' foundation for all.

You have to define your place or foundation yourself. I can't tell you how to do that for you, but for me...well,....lucky you, you got to read all about it today. :)

I am a Mormon woman. I am ridiculously imperfect. I am flawed. I am struggling. AND I am still trying. I am still striving. I trust His plan for me and my family.

I was offended in the extreme by what I heard. I felt a passionate chord of defense resonate loud enough in my brain to respond in kind. Forgive me.

Today, well, ..... I felt the story needed an end. Happy end? Don't know, I'm still in the middle of my story and can exactly say, but it is has been a ride full of the gorgeous vistas of life I would have missed if I did not jump on when I did.

I'm so so grateful I did. I am a Mormon woman who knows other Mormon women, so ask me next time you want to know who we are. My answer, this time, is spot on.

xo
sacajawea

The Easter Bunny Bully Lily :)

What MORMON Women ARE not....

EMPTY


FAITHLESS


ILL EDUCATED


ONE DIMENSIONAL


DULL


BORED HOUSEWIVES



UNHAPPY


UNREFINED OR UNCULTURED


HOUSEKEEPERS


DEPRESSED WITH THEIR 'LOT' IN LIFE


LACKING IN UNIQUENESS


WITHOUT HUMOR


UNACCOMPLISHED


UNFULFILLED


Lately, and unfortunately I have had access to some very negative information being circulated by ignorant and uninformed people about my belief system. The content of which not only offends but simultaneously be smirks my sense of justice and fairness.

A lot.

If someone dare speak anything about a Muslim, Buddist, or even a Native American person's faith base, well, then...all arms shoot up and public defenders clammor to be the first to defend them!

If a basketball player says something slanderous indicating the impossibility of aligning gender roles with insults then he is fined and publically shamed!

but if ANYONE, ANYONE at all wants to bash my religion and trash my faith then its a FREE FOR ALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GO AHEAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IGNORANT ACCUSATION GALORE!!!!!!!!!!!

Why is this okay? Why are 'we' fair game? EVERYTHING IN THE WHOLE OF SOCIETY IS PROTECTED BY ACRONYM NAMED 'UNIONS' OR 'GROUPS' OR the forces that be. Why not The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints?


Question??????????????????????

When is the last time a Latter Day Saint congregation used time on Sundays to teach anti-baptist, anti-catholic , anti-semetic, anti-seventh day adventist, anti-christian scientists, ANTI ANYTHING!!!????? doctrine or information?
I'll answer that for you.

NEVER. WE don't do that. EVER.

Tell you what, I've got my dukes up on this one. Way up. I'm none of the things above. Those are a simple sample of what Mormon women are NOT. N.O.T. No matter what is said, don't believe someone who doesn't even know a LDS woman.

Would you go to China and ask them what America is like? No? Afraid, their reference point would be skewed? Hmm. Yes? Well, don't go to someone who is anti-Mormon and ask them what LDS Women are like. Duh.

Wait till I tell you what they are.

Thats the good part.

Thats next.
xo,
sacajawea (the MORMON woman, who writes this blog)

The SALTY Smackdown: Getting OWNED by the ocean : In Memorium,ME

Aye' but this is a bitter tale. Tis' a tale only the previously cool and majestically 'ocean worthy' folk can possibly understand. So, what I am saying, in an attempted keen eyed 'clever' way is that if you have never held' 'coolness' 'awesomeness' or 'bad-arse-ness' in your hands, then, well, skip to another blog. One of the ones about coupons or kids or pies. This one is not for you.

(miss L and I and our 'hawaii ankle bracelets')

If you have been or think you still are 'cool' feel free to read this. Tis' a sour one, though so gird up your loiners folks and watch my very last ounce of 'percieved' coolness hit its eternal dismal demise.

G.O.N.E. debi G.O.N.E.

I told ya I was a sickie right? Well, I mostly told ya. I 'sort of' divulged. Here is the deal. I did not make it off the steroids. My shoulder enlarged (got swollen) inflammation station USA, and so I was not given a choice, steroids again, fat face again....pain in the ars again.

Okay, so sometimes I feel great and sometimes I don't. That's just the way it works.

We took a trip to Seaside Oregon early in the week. I woke up at our beach house and could not walk. My left hip was unbelievably painful. I hobbled around downstairs and called THE doctors and used ice...blah, blah, blah....I was a mess. I pulled out 'positive attitude' #345 off my perpetual positive attitude shelf. Threw it on for size and decided to make the best of it. We went to tour the Tillamook Cheese factory. I rode in the wheelchair.

Classy stuff.

The next day, my hip was 50% better. I was DETERMINED to get down to the beach. We were at the South end with the natural rock wave break leading to the shoreline and its a jumble of twisty anklely ly ly like pathway. I mustered, I squared my shoulders, I dressed for the torrents of rain.

I put on my 25 year old Ugg Boots. Trusty ol' thangs. They will be the ticket. I still had on my flannel pajama bottoms, and off I went. I took our Sam doggie. Off to the beach while the fam was in the pool.

Nary a rainstorm, or wobbly rock can hold back the likes of me~ !!! Ha ha ha, I laugh in the face of such wimpy touristy detours. You see, I grew up in the sand. I own the beach. I am the ocean. THIS is my place! I'm no novice lookey loo. I am so local, totally local.

LOCAL!!

I tell you!



(as an aside, let me tell you something i have always done. every time i get to the beach, no matter where, new zealand, hawaii, oregon, california, north carolina, washington, everywhere sea meets sand, i ALWAYS go to the water and write 'hello' in wave line and watch it get covered by the waves and foam. its my own little personal private greeting with the ocean i love so dearly.)



(as another aside, let me tell you that when we got to seaside the first day, BEFORE my leg freaked out, i did NOT do my usual greeting, i omitted it, based on the fact that i did not want to get wet, am old, am tired and am lazy.)

Okay, now that the asides are finished....back to the humiliation...

Dog, me, uggs, pajama bottoms, rocks.....okay......on the flat wet sand and off down the shore....

Lovely, beautiful, serene, cleansing, clear, perfect....walking with a limp but I'm ON THE BEACH, alone, with my fuzzy dog and brain.

I used to watch schmucks like me. I used to say, 'Watch that old lady... she is going to turf hard', check out that huge set, its coming in and she will never see it, bye bye Grandma.'

Nope, I didn't. I was WAY out to the shore break and THEN it came...I started jogging, it was a sad wannabe jog, but i gave it a go, then I full on ran as fast as I could because I looked back and baby it wasn't just a little flotsumy trickle, it was waist high and charging.

I made it to the rocks.

Then, apparently because I failed to do our usual greeting in the sand in the manner to which it had been accostumed,.....h.e.l.l.o with gentle waves gleaning the message and carrying it out to sea.


A GIANT SMACK IN THE ARSE

MY ARSE

THE OCEAN JUST KICKED MY ARSE

Literally.

I pulled up my sweatshirt over my head and was up to my armpits in ice cold Pacific love. Sam the dog, looked on from the rocks he had kangarooed up 30 feet in front of me. I just LAUGHED!!!! AND LAUGHED !!!! AND LAUGHED!!!!!! What a rip! What a joke! What a riot! ME, Ocean mama, up to the armpits and about to be dragged out to sea with her busted hip joint!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I did laugh a lot, and then I started to scream. Cold, cold, cold...old lady, old lady old lady......AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!

When that wicked wave started its 'recede' I did begin my 'one sided crazy lady' conversations with the sea. "Nice, okay, you got me", "I give", "Yeah, I know, I should have come sooner", "I'm sorry", "Yeah, I know, you are bigger/stronger/ more powerful", "Totally got me", "I know, real funny".....

Instead of sucking me and my withered hip out to sea, the Ocean decided to leave me ashore for my family ro recover and retrieve. Left me with a reminder and a lesson though. It sounded like this in my head, .....




"I'm awesome." "I am" "You, are mortal, flawed, and O.L.D." "Don't' mess with me sister" "I just owned you and I can do it again" yeah, yeah, yeah....message received.

It was truly funny.

My Ugg Boots weighed literally like 20 pounds each and I was soaked to the bone. It was a sight to behold I'm sure. My boys had come down to the beach and each with a 'man shoulder' helped me back up to the house. My tall and strong sons even gave me a 'lineman' block as I stripped the salty pajama bottoms off at the door.

It is still really funny to me.
That the girl who once owned the sea

Is now the one who gets her old lady
arse handed to her by it

RIP

Surfer Girl

Help Wanted

We've got it!!!! Hold On!!!!! Thats it!!!!! Steady now......steady.....we will make it just fine....everything will work out for the best.....something will come along.....we will just keep working hard, focus, and keep our spirits up just a little bit longer.......

We can do it....................



Well, Marc can.....

He does hold our whole world in his hands. He is exactly as amazing as I have always said he is. He really is. He deserves a great job. He deserves a great opportunity. He deserves to recieve.

Tomorrow morning he has "THAT" interview at 10:30 am.

Please help us. Please pray for him. Please help him change his fill in the blank from unemployed to employed. Please just remember to say a kind prayer for him tomorrow.

I truly believe it helps and makes a huge difference, or I wouldn't ask.

Help us with our 'Help Wanted' so he can help them with their "Help Wanted"

THANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOU

(details divulged AFTER we know :) )

40 Debi'isms' for 40

I shall not pretend that I actually know anything, because I PROMISE you I do not. I am an average gal. I am not different from anyone else on the planet, at all. However, I am certainly, now, almost the owner of 4 decades on our planet. This is only a sweet and at times sour sip of my proverbial glass of life. This glass may or may not be half empty or half full, but, by golly, I am glad I have a glass a'tol sometimes :).

40 Debi'isms for 40

1. If you expand your ability to give, serve, affect, contribute, and help others especially when uncomfortable, inconvenient, or 'out of your way', at the time you feel the most like being selfish, it has the unique power of opening your life to true joy.

2. Two easy choices daily can make all the difference in the world. If you read the scriptures and pray in the morning before you start your day, and in the evening when the day ends. Those two simple choices will change your life.

3. When 'man shopping' for eternal relationships. Watch what he does and ignore what he says. That will tell you all you need to know.


4. Do not be-rate yourself for undone household projects. The fact is, that if they are on your home management 'radar' there will eventually come a day that you will get it done. You really will, so let it go, and don't poke yourself in the eye every time you walk by it.

5. Never dress yourself, your husband or your children for anyone but you to enjoy. It is a waste of energy, money and effort if its not just to make YOU smile. Fact is, no one cares. They are only thinking about what they are wearing.

6. When traversing the 'philosophical' path in college, make sure you study something you can actually 'DO' that people will pay you money to do. Study the other things in the free time you have from not being tied to a crappy job that sucks the love of life out of you.

7. Always, always, always choose to be your child's advocate before sacrificing your value system just to be polite to people. Protecting your child comes first, every time.

8. Never read a book that you do not really like because of some 7th grade 'teacher's guilt trip' idea that you have to finish it. You will sacrifice valuable time you might otherwise have being inspired by 'word wonder' or a becomming a witness to brilliance.

9. Spend the money on movies and popcorn. There is power in beautiful stories and salty corn.

10. If you indulge yourself in saying, "I will NEVER do that.". Find a good recipe for 'Crow', because baby you are in for an unexpected dish of it pretty soon.

11. Do not forget nature. It will heal you. Carve out time to look up at the clouds, literally kneel down and smell the flowers and listen to the wild water.

12. If you get a feeling people are bored listening to you talk. You are probably 10 minutes too late.

13. Leave your house a little unkempt when inviting friends over. People are much more comfortable if your house is imperfect. Its like a permission slip to be real.

14. Successful intimate lives are synonymous with household harmony.

15. If you find a really great pair of pants that fit perfectly, always buy 2 or 3. Mysterious thread ,perfect cutting shears, nor Voodoo seamstress don't come around much in this life. You gotta strike when the iron is hot.

16. People who cannot abide the messiness/imperfection/unpredictability/and imminent moisture ridden irritations of small children or dogs are missing out on two of the most tremendous ways to experience pureness,love and joy.
17. You will never be happy if you are working on being 'good to yourself', or are 'not so hard on yourself'. Humankind is meant to strive. We are discontented on any other course but improvement.

18. Choose the relationship over 'proving your point' or being 'right'. Especially when your child proceeds past the age of bout ' 13.

19. Use good manners. If you don't know them or use them and everyone else does, then you are out of a giant 'secret' that makes you seem ignorant and common.

20. Any kind of commercial shortcut like, 'shampoo and conditioner' or 'peanut butter and jelly in the same jar' are always mistakes.

21. Eat donuts. They are seriously delicious. I'll trade you a fresh grocery store donut for a $15.00 dessert at any restaurant, anytime.

22. Grow a garden. Every lesson on life is in those seeds and soil. Truly.

23. If the house mess is getting away from you,....vacuum. Just tell yourself, "I'm just going to vacuum, that's it." I always trick myself into much more cleaning that way.

24. Remain interesting. Be the kind of layered person your kids would love to talk to in their twenties. Don't become invisible tending their lives. Hold your own.

25. "Don't cast your pearls before swine......". Now, I'm not saying other people are swine. Truth is they are usually not ready to listen to you the way you need them to for that kind of stuff. Save the pearls for a select few, cast rhinestones at the rest.( What exactly am I casting at you with this list?, you ask???? Give ya a hint, they are very shiney and inexpensive. )




26. Sit in the hot sun (sometimes), Ride down hill on your bike without a helmet and feel the wind in your hair (sometimes), Just fall asleep on the couch and don't get up to wash your face, brush your teeth, etc..etc..etc.. (sometimes) Use your nicest towels (sometimes), Wear your favorite perfume to do the carpool (sometimes), Let your kids get wet and muddy and dirty (sometimes), Skip the dishes after dinner (sometimes), Just run for the heck of it, without getting all 'dressed up in the perfect shoes, and workout clothes, and Ipod and sports watch. (sometimes) JUST SOMETIMES, DO THINGS JUST BECAUSE ITS FUN AND MAKES YOU FEEL HAPPY OR CARELESS OR RELEASED OR WHATEVER! (but only sometimes)

27. Truth is, there really isn't anyone you wouldn't like if you knew them long enough. Even their 'stinkiest' quality would grown on you. Don't count people out too fast.

28. Acknowledge that God is real. He really really is. So, change what you need to change to get back to him if you die. That simple.

29. Choose to nurture your children with the best you are. Don't go to some office somewhere, give 'them' your best and give what is left to your kids. Be 'on' for them, they need you more, love you more and will be a reflection of what you invest.

30. Remember you are a speck. I mean really. You are. Hello, Earth, hello me. Puts life's drama and issues in order very quickly. Earth big, you small. Drama over.

31. When you were young, there was something someone noticed about you that revealed your budding talents. Remember the time you heard that and thought, "Hey, I'm different in this one way from everybody else". Well, that was the first step on a path to finding 'you'. Keep going no matter what.

32. Quiet is more powerful than 'Loud' if you need to find the answer. Turn down that knob called 'world' and be quiet. It is in that quiet that the answer comes. Its been waiting for you to be still and listen.

34. When you hear truth it affects you like light effects dark. Keep listening until the light wins.
!

35. Finding balance with everything we do with our mortal bodies seems so impossible. Fact is, like your house, its unusual for every single room to be pristine simultaneously. It is usually a few at a time. Its the same with our appetites, desires and passions. Just remember, if you are 'perfect' at something right now, there is probably a 'cluttered garage' to clean sometime soon.

36. Recognize earth's bounty. Receive its nourishment in its season. God knows what he is doing. He knows what you need, when you need it. He has gifted us with our natural world to bring us balance and contentment. Use the fruits and vegetables and grains and herbs and clear water first. Then, you can muddy it up with the rest


37. If you find a friend that it is an easy pleasure to talk to. Someone who it is an easy pleasure to be equally quiet with... someone kindred. Keep them. They do not come around as often as you think. They are priceless treasures.



38. Don't wait for someone to bring you flowers, plant your own garden. Cliche' but poignant for women especially. Start digging sister!

39. Teach your daughters to want to be mothers and wives. Teach your sons to want to be fathers and husbands. Foster their desire to have a family and be blessed therein. I need someone great to marry my perfect kids okay :)

40. And last, but if you know me, not least........

Remember you are divine. Everything good and beautiful denotes your divinity. Your spirit is so filled with light and knowledge and truth and faith and love and joy. Don't let this 'earthy life' beguile you. What you once were, you will be again, only better if you can stand it. THIS, I do KNOW after 40 years.

Don't let it take you that long to find that truth and honor it each day of your life :)

tis' true some of this stuff
was advice given to me,
and yep, some of it I just made up on the spot,
its up to you to take it or not

take what you will,
leave the rest,
for me and my 'now' old age,
I gave ye my best :)