The SALTY Smackdown: Getting OWNED by the ocean : In Memorium,ME

Aye' but this is a bitter tale. Tis' a tale only the previously cool and majestically 'ocean worthy' folk can possibly understand. So, what I am saying, in an attempted keen eyed 'clever' way is that if you have never held' 'coolness' 'awesomeness' or 'bad-arse-ness' in your hands, then, well, skip to another blog. One of the ones about coupons or kids or pies. This one is not for you.

(miss L and I and our 'hawaii ankle bracelets')

If you have been or think you still are 'cool' feel free to read this. Tis' a sour one, though so gird up your loiners folks and watch my very last ounce of 'percieved' coolness hit its eternal dismal demise.

G.O.N.E. debi G.O.N.E.

I told ya I was a sickie right? Well, I mostly told ya. I 'sort of' divulged. Here is the deal. I did not make it off the steroids. My shoulder enlarged (got swollen) inflammation station USA, and so I was not given a choice, steroids again, fat face again....pain in the ars again.

Okay, so sometimes I feel great and sometimes I don't. That's just the way it works.

We took a trip to Seaside Oregon early in the week. I woke up at our beach house and could not walk. My left hip was unbelievably painful. I hobbled around downstairs and called THE doctors and used ice...blah, blah, blah....I was a mess. I pulled out 'positive attitude' #345 off my perpetual positive attitude shelf. Threw it on for size and decided to make the best of it. We went to tour the Tillamook Cheese factory. I rode in the wheelchair.

Classy stuff.

The next day, my hip was 50% better. I was DETERMINED to get down to the beach. We were at the South end with the natural rock wave break leading to the shoreline and its a jumble of twisty anklely ly ly like pathway. I mustered, I squared my shoulders, I dressed for the torrents of rain.

I put on my 25 year old Ugg Boots. Trusty ol' thangs. They will be the ticket. I still had on my flannel pajama bottoms, and off I went. I took our Sam doggie. Off to the beach while the fam was in the pool.

Nary a rainstorm, or wobbly rock can hold back the likes of me~ !!! Ha ha ha, I laugh in the face of such wimpy touristy detours. You see, I grew up in the sand. I own the beach. I am the ocean. THIS is my place! I'm no novice lookey loo. I am so local, totally local.

LOCAL!!

I tell you!



(as an aside, let me tell you something i have always done. every time i get to the beach, no matter where, new zealand, hawaii, oregon, california, north carolina, washington, everywhere sea meets sand, i ALWAYS go to the water and write 'hello' in wave line and watch it get covered by the waves and foam. its my own little personal private greeting with the ocean i love so dearly.)



(as another aside, let me tell you that when we got to seaside the first day, BEFORE my leg freaked out, i did NOT do my usual greeting, i omitted it, based on the fact that i did not want to get wet, am old, am tired and am lazy.)

Okay, now that the asides are finished....back to the humiliation...

Dog, me, uggs, pajama bottoms, rocks.....okay......on the flat wet sand and off down the shore....

Lovely, beautiful, serene, cleansing, clear, perfect....walking with a limp but I'm ON THE BEACH, alone, with my fuzzy dog and brain.

I used to watch schmucks like me. I used to say, 'Watch that old lady... she is going to turf hard', check out that huge set, its coming in and she will never see it, bye bye Grandma.'

Nope, I didn't. I was WAY out to the shore break and THEN it came...I started jogging, it was a sad wannabe jog, but i gave it a go, then I full on ran as fast as I could because I looked back and baby it wasn't just a little flotsumy trickle, it was waist high and charging.

I made it to the rocks.

Then, apparently because I failed to do our usual greeting in the sand in the manner to which it had been accostumed,.....h.e.l.l.o with gentle waves gleaning the message and carrying it out to sea.


A GIANT SMACK IN THE ARSE

MY ARSE

THE OCEAN JUST KICKED MY ARSE

Literally.

I pulled up my sweatshirt over my head and was up to my armpits in ice cold Pacific love. Sam the dog, looked on from the rocks he had kangarooed up 30 feet in front of me. I just LAUGHED!!!! AND LAUGHED !!!! AND LAUGHED!!!!!! What a rip! What a joke! What a riot! ME, Ocean mama, up to the armpits and about to be dragged out to sea with her busted hip joint!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I did laugh a lot, and then I started to scream. Cold, cold, cold...old lady, old lady old lady......AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!

When that wicked wave started its 'recede' I did begin my 'one sided crazy lady' conversations with the sea. "Nice, okay, you got me", "I give", "Yeah, I know, I should have come sooner", "I'm sorry", "Yeah, I know, you are bigger/stronger/ more powerful", "Totally got me", "I know, real funny".....

Instead of sucking me and my withered hip out to sea, the Ocean decided to leave me ashore for my family ro recover and retrieve. Left me with a reminder and a lesson though. It sounded like this in my head, .....




"I'm awesome." "I am" "You, are mortal, flawed, and O.L.D." "Don't' mess with me sister" "I just owned you and I can do it again" yeah, yeah, yeah....message received.

It was truly funny.

My Ugg Boots weighed literally like 20 pounds each and I was soaked to the bone. It was a sight to behold I'm sure. My boys had come down to the beach and each with a 'man shoulder' helped me back up to the house. My tall and strong sons even gave me a 'lineman' block as I stripped the salty pajama bottoms off at the door.

It is still really funny to me.
That the girl who once owned the sea

Is now the one who gets her old lady
arse handed to her by it

RIP

Surfer Girl