Take this CAKE and SHOVE it......

I'm starting to feel pretty cozy wid my 40 yr old sef. I'm still changing, people keep doing that somehow. Changing. This time, though, I'm shifting to a sort of celebration.

I've spent some years in 'self deprecation' mode. Not consecutively, mind you, but if you add up the days and weeks its years. Years.

Okay, so I'm going to confess. I'm a cake shover. CAKE SHOVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So sue me. I shoved. I did. We met. We talked. We kissed. We missionaried. We married. I SHOVED. Cake. In "His" face. Yep.

I heard something in my heart. I heard my identity call from the darkness and say, "Be yourself this one last time before you morph into a wife and mother, be YOU!"

I did it.

and now

I'M GLAD!!!!! I AM GLAD!!!!!!!!! glad, glad, glad, glad, glad, glad, gladdy, glad, glad.

I'm a passionate person. Very. I am literally a little crazy about things like:

LIFE
MARC
BEAUTY
ADAM
FLOWERS
CARTER
THE OCEAN
LILY
TRUTH
SAM
ART
EMILY
BOOKS
MATT
JEWELRY
JEFF
SURFING


and on and on...

Okay, you feel me. People and passions. I don't feel a whisper of a thrill during discussions about let's say, ...directions, fastest routes ( yep, I get lost a lot), or let's say...gas prices ( I have NO control over it, so how does constant whining help?), or let's say.....the weather ("Um, NO, I'm not surprised its sunny, rainy, windy, snowing, or sleeting even, because by definition weather is just that...EVER CHANGING, its weather, duh.)

(Forgive me, but I love the expression, 'duh' and 'der' and 'fer', its so white trash, and it so works for me. Timeless. You think Audrey Hepburn, I think of expressions like, "No doi...", and "Fer rude".)

Don't get me wrong, I dig simple. There is something comforting about weather and directions and who wants to walk up to somebody and hear, "I was just sharing my deepest darkest secret.....you wanna hear it?" No, I don't. But, if you are going to talk about exits on freeways I'm outta here mas rapido.

So what that all means is that I am a 'cake shover'. Hi, my name is Debi and I'm a cake shover. A bonified member of CSA Cake Shovers Anonymous. I think I'm honorary president in fact. And, now, I'm finally proud of it.


Here is why.

Life just cracks me up. It does. Life is funny!!!! Cake in the face is funny! Cake in the face of the one you love is even hilarious to me. I would have thought it was hilarious if Marc did it back to me big time! Instead a deep hush of disdain cursed over the crowd and Marc went to wash his face. I was subjected to eventual humiliations therein, including public chastisements thereof.

Eh, I'm over it. And NOW,I'm proud of it. I am. I am so happy I listened to myself. I am so mad I stopped. And, SO glad I started again!! Yay! Me!

I think I just feel everything a little deeper. Is it my fault if I see in technicolor whilst others see in black and white? Surface stuff suffocates me. I live in the deep end baby, taking BIG bites and cracking up all the while.I've learned the shallow end is certainly pretty and safe and seems so much more peaceful, but unless you are true to yourself you can get a mean case of swimmers ear from listening to the voices that don't sing YOUR song.

Come on over to my side where the water is a deep blue sea of laughter and life and love and other stuff that starts with the letter "L".

Lindsay.

Marc's cousin. She just got married. For some reason, I feel a kindred heart pull with this girl. She is young and stylish and beautiful. I'm not anymore. But, when I saw this photo I smiled deep inside and grinned within.

Another cake shover!!!!!!

Just my kind of girl. Maybe she was told she should just delicately offer a nibble to her newly espoused.... She was probably given the advice to keep her feminine fingers poised and perfect while proffering the proverbial 'first bite'.

Something inside her said, "Shove". She shoved.

I love that.

Life is so fantastic! Nibbles are for wimps.

Take big raucous bites and breathe deep the frosting of life!

and

Don't be embarrassed to be yourself. EVER.

I have finally stopped trying to make myself something I am not. The original is always the most authentic and substantive. Perfunctory perfection performances eventually sink to the deep end anyway....trust me....you can't float forever.

I like the deep end. I'm glad to be back. With messy cake and icing and an enviable marriage full of laughter and love and all the messy stuff that makes life beautiful! My advice,....."If you hear that voice, LISTEN, and never stop!"