Normal Knocker

When I tell you "I try", don't believe me. I really do not, but I do bemoan my indifference from time to time.

My indifference to difference.

I DO TRY! I DO............... (sometimes)

but I just c.a.n.n.o.t. be NORMAL

I don't mean that I'm ill or delusional or in want. I am not.

I get close sometimes, but never quite pull it off.

For example; you know you want one.... admit it.

Most of the time I am in groups of people I am 'writing them' in my head the whole time. You know, as characters.... like; "he entered the room, presumptively, eyeing the glass ornamentation pretending to be unimpressed, but gave himself away with the way he held his coat."

(IF YOU SEE A TWINKLE IN MY EYE AND A GLAZE THEREIN, YOU CAN BET YOUR BOOKS I'M MAKING YOU INTO A SENTENCE)

Don't hate my guts, but I hate the living daylights out of little teeny tiny 'check mark' type goal keeping. The proverbial 'you earned a star' crappola. The people who function in that 'earn a star realm' generally are only happy when they know they have MORE stars than someone else. The initial motive gets very blurry after a while.

( YOU FOLKS CAN KEEP YOUR STARS)

It may from time to time seem as if I have 'planned' what you see me doing. I'm a convincing actress when it comes to 'playing to my audience', but ......truth be told..... I NEVER PLAN. I have a planner with a few packets of pages that don't even fit the binding and lay loose with 'notes' from a thousand things, I very rarely EVER go back to, ever.

(IF I LOOK PREPARED, I'M PRETENDING)

I simply cannot abide a watch. I have never worn one. If it was not for the microwave clock, its possible our entire day would collapse. I never know the date, rarely know the day, and oddly enough am actually quite punctual and rarely am ever late or miss things of true import. I remember birthdays like nobody's business and can tell a change in season in the almost imperceptible twinkle of a minute of light either way.

(DON'T ASK ME FOR THE TIME, CAUSE' I CAIN'T HEP YA)

I find it miraculous that my home management skills are as developed as they are. I want to jump up and down in celebration every time we are not out of paper towels or clean towels or even have towels! I can't believe I function in those areas, that rarely pass my 'mind stage'. If there is proper food to make lunches or to bring cookies to the 'whatever', I feel like dancing!

(DON'T ASK ME HOW FULL THE LAUNDRY SOAP BOX IS)

I find it fascinating that people can talk about, for instance, shoe sizes, or directions, or recipes, or sales or postage or weather. I do. I like to watch. I find the simplicity peaceful and appealing. I don't have anything to offer, at all, because I don't give a rip, but I like to watch.

(IF YOU COMMENT ON THE WEATHER, DON'T BE MAD IF I SEEM ABSENT)

One of the tell tell signs that my 'normal' is broken is the "spell check" or the "word guess" on my phone and computer. Each of those items scream at me with sentences and highlights to try to get me to see that what I am choosing to write or how I am choosing to spell something or say something or phrase something, or make up something IS BROKEN! Fix this, it says....!!!! Now. I don't, I know what I am writing and like it that exact way. I know the rules, thus have the option of breaking them, in my opinion.

So what am I thinking about exactly?

The big picture. The huge picture. Eternal things. Art. Books. Other weird people who are trying to be normal and how funny it is. Creating. Teaching. Service. Love. Faraway places.

Crap like that.

The rest of it, well,.....not so much.

But, I do 'knock' from time to time and look in the door with a grin.