Wednesday, August 24, 2011

what am i going to do about HER?



She worries me.

The last time I un "layered" m'sef' I found her.

She was not very patient with her husband. She was pretty selfish. She spent too much time away from home. She did a lot of "I am going to reward myself" shopping. She got pretty full of herself. She eventually failed entirely, and quickly "covered" up again.

I remember the moment standing in front of the freezer......self sabtoge. Confused, but totally intentional.

There is an aspect of this process I need to own fully, not just give verbal homage to.

Question d'jour. "What am I afraid of exactly?"

Guesses????????????

Is there something everyone else sees but me?

You know how that is true for most of us, the obvious answer only the person can't see...

(She should......spend less time focused on her house and more focused on her kids.....or....she should stop the self esteem train right there....or......if she would just stand up for herself......or......if she would just relax and count her blessings for hecks sakes!!!!......or just get over herself and fold the laundry already.....or let go of "worldly desires",.....or be honest with herself.....)

What aren't you telling me? Seriously. Give it a go, I'm ready :)

Don't make me call you a "chicken"

Cause' if I see you 'stopped by' and didn't comment I totally will!

Try me :)
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12 comments:

  1. KelseyAugust 24, 2011 at 5:57 PM

    Hey! I remember that girl and you need to remember that girl, too. You know are much wiser now, even wiser than the first time you unlayered. The fact that you recognize that there were some issues the last time you "unlayered" means that God has gently tapped your heart and is working. He will do the rest. It is funny because I am going through the same process right now. Knowing the sin is there, just not seeing it clearly because I am slightly obsessed about a situation in my life that is out of my control. God will see us through - silver gloves and silver shoes (not shown in picture, but well remembered) and all!

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  2. AnonymousAugust 24, 2011 at 6:50 PM

    You are chock full of awesome. We are all made up of various bits, the challenging part is keeping the positive ones in the front. No one is perfect. Forgive yourself, breathe, center, and move forward.

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  3. BucksAugust 24, 2011 at 9:42 PM

    Debi, I didn't know you then, but I know you now. The person you described is not who I know. And I don't see you going back to that. Just because you "unlayer" doesn't mean you will become selfish. You deserve everything in life. You're not that person anymore. You're creating a whole new Debi!

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  4. nicolleAugust 24, 2011 at 10:11 PM

    I'm so confused I don't know what you mean by unlayer. But I don't wanna get called out for stopping by and not saying anything...I know you make good on your promises. So anyway...if the unlayering you're talking about is all the weight you're losing and that you think that means you're self-centered because you're looking after your health and it feels good...time to shift your thinking. Unlayering, whether peeling off layers of weight or fear or greif or insecurity....it is very brave. Cocooning is more selfish than layering. Layering can be done w/ humility, if not too much attention is spent on analyzing every layer or wondering what others think about the layers. Anyway, I'm obviously confused. Is unlayering like shedding your Debi suit? Cuz if that's it, I like you in your Debi suit. Your real Debi suit, not the Debi suit that others put you in and try to tell you that you belong there and are comfortable there. Does that make sense? Maybe not, because I just took a sleeping pill and barely understood this when sober. :) I do know this, I love you just how you are, trust you to know if unlayering is a boon or a bain, you're smart and will figure out what's going on. Love ya B6

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  5. Sylvia P. ColeyAugust 25, 2011 at 4:25 AM

    Have you ever considered it is perfectly fine to love yourself and that feels greedy and selfish to you, it is not honey, celebrate your body, who you are, you wonderful personality and those gorgeous legs, whatever bothers you enough to make you cover up again. Debi, you just are not vain and it makes you feel guilty, always has to think about yourself in such a way. It is good to celebrate just you and do things you want to do and have things you want to have, as Martha Stewart says, "It's a good thing!". Have you ever, ever thought that there is a reason you are so beautiful, that maybe in some way you are suppose to be, and enjoy being who you are and go for it! Ever? Where did you get this thing from, where you are not suppose to have very nice things or be special, you are special in every way and sometimes in order to take good care of ourselves we have to have more time, and more peace and not be on call quite so much, you are very important to everyone, we all depend on you to take care, we all, everybody loves you so much, you are gifted, Debi in so many ways, and just one of your gifts is your beauty. If you like bubble baths, nice clothes, and to look as good as you possibly can, that is the way you are suppose to be in life, about your body, take good care of your body, love yourself, your body, in every way, enjoy being wonderful, my wonderful daughter. Mom

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  6. debiAugust 25, 2011 at 9:15 PM

    mom, your 'lunatic'is showing.... sheesh

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  7. MarisaAugust 25, 2011 at 11:29 PM

    Debi, you are so funny, and can you really see who stops by your blog? I can't imagine you being selfish, etc. so you must have grown up a lot since "last time"?? Seriously, you're going to be fine. The bit a few posts ago about "can I ever have sugar again?"... that was pretty dramatic, I know, I feel like that sometimes when I'm dieting too and it's easy to think that sugar is an evil thing that human beings should never have but ALL THINGS IN MODERATION when you're just maintaining your weight, otherwise it's just too depressing to keep it up. I'm going to start commenting more on your blog and who cares who reads it... right? :)

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  8. VickiAugust 26, 2011 at 10:57 AM

    Don't make me call YOU a chicken -- stop being afraid. SHINE ON -- layers impede the glow

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  9. debiAugust 26, 2011 at 5:15 PM

    8 comments on the the threat of being called out as a chicken...

    sweet

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  10. LauraAugust 31, 2011 at 8:21 PM

    bok bok bok !!



    i crack myself up!

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  11. LynnaeDecember 21, 2011 at 10:20 PM

    I'm commenting because I've gained back some of the weight after losing 100 lbs. I know how you feel- like something must be learned, and something has to be different this time to enable us to be successful. I can drive myself crazy thinking about what made it possible for me then and why I'm having such a hard time now.
    I do know that some people thrive on deadlines and challenges and rewards, and I thrived on simplifying my life and during a peaceful era I was able to shed the weight, then more stress and worries were piled on, and I was backsliding. For me I think it's not a quest of calories, but of controlling my schedule and finding peace.

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  12. debiDecember 22, 2011 at 3:55 PM

    Yes, Lynnae.....yes to all of what you said. I do know that it is a delicate and precious thing to obtain.

    It takes a significant amount of 'moxy' everyday for me to take the time to work out. The momentum factor is key.

    I wish I knew all the answers, but at the same time LOVE what the process teaches me.

    I am rooting for you!

    d.

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