This George Santayana dude knows his stuff.....
My parents bless their hearts, made a mess of things long ago. AND, don't get me wrong... I love every salt and peppah hair of their heads but, man, its taken a long time to see through the 'familial fog', so to speak.
The story is way.........and I mean WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too heavy, too deep, too 'wrecking ball' to delve into on a simple blog. YET.
I have to record this crazy repeat parallel that has happened in my sister's life. I just can't not write it. It needs me to say it out loud.
Here goes.
My parents met at BYU. They moved to California and were married for 17 years. Before the divorce my mom moved back to North Carolina and got together with her high school boyfriend, Glenn. Only one month after the divorce, my dad married a woman I had only met twice. I was 14 and my little sister was 12. My mom lived across the country from us and we were living with his 'new' stranger with my dad.
My sister met her husband at BYUH. They moved to Arizona and were married for 17 years. Before the divorce Emily moved back to North Carolina and got together with her high school boyfriend Adam. Only one month after the divorce, Carl has married a woman new to his girls. Sierra is 14 and Rylee is 12. Their mom lives across the country from them and they are now living with this woman and their dad.
Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it.
Those who can remember the past just had to say,
"What the heck?!!!"
Wow, Deb- My thoughts and prayers are with Sierra and Rylee.
ReplyDeleteUnbelievable. That is almost eery.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteWow, Debi. I have to admit, after reading this I almost cried; but then I read your blog on judgment and decided you’d already figured out what I was about to say in reply. Whew! So here’s my modified response:
ReplyDeleteAs a fellow traveler who came from a broken home, I’d have to agree with you that unless we learn from our parent’s mistakes, we will likely repeat them. But in defense of your sister, and the scores of children of divorce, consider this idea: the relationships we have modeled for us as children teach us, albeit unwittingly, many things about love, relationships and the world around us.
I know for myself, I repeated the many of the same “mistakes” of my dear parents, (bless them both, for they did the best they could, after all), because of what I learned from watching them, or rather, because of what I was conditioned to. I learned to be ‘forgiving’ of others’ and to justify hurtful, destructive, even annoying behaviors because of the offender’s own rough, difficult, or trying past. I grew up not knowing how to put up healthy boundaries; I grew up learning that it was okay for a man to be emotionally abusive to his wife and children. (Actually, until just a few years ago, I didn’t even realize it was abuse; I just knew I didn’t like how I felt when it happened). In short, I learned a lot of unhealthy ways of dealing with others, especially men. As a result, I got married and spent 20 years in disarray trying to make it work with someone who had many of his own unhealthy core beliefs.
For those who have come from a broken home or a difficult past but who are blessed (and lucky) enough to have found a spouse who can love and support and nourish them in healthy ways, thank the Lord every day for that! For the rest who, through no fault of their own, have not been so blessed, the Lord still loves us just as much as he does his other children, and when we’re ready to learn from Him, he can and will show us the way to happy, healthy, sustaining relationships.
My heart goes out to your sister and brother-in-law. It must have been a tremendously difficult decision for both of them. That they lasted 17 years, says quite a bit about their commitment to family and the institution of marriage.