BALANCE and the 'Secret'

I've decided I'm far too easily undone.

Balance

That is my true challenge.

I'm either sick or well, my home is either clean or dirty, my brain is either full or empty, my schedule is either maxed out or clear, my edit button is either on 'full alert' or entirely BROKEN.

This year I am going to toss

BALANCE

on the pile and make

everything therein

 SUBMIT.

It seems an impossible thing, balance, everything EQUALLY effort driven.

Why is that?

I don't seem to be able to balance all the columns of my life evenly.

I tend to be in either one column or the other,

but never tending all in their priority scape properly.

My roots, my underpinnings, my foundation, my belief system, my creation demands that I balance.

To allow the most beautiful and best to

 SURFACE,

I must indeed be completely grounded.

Starting a new business makes me want to elbow,  and shove, and paddle faster than everyone else for my spot on the best wave in a professional life.

How do I do that and remain 'present' for my most important calling as a wife and mother?

Can I pull it off, without smashing my surfboard

on the reefs of

materialism and comfort chasing?

What about this sort of artist inside of me?  What about my book?  I have set my sights on finishing this book THIS YEAR.  It must be done, n.o.w.  It is time and I hear this SIREN in my head and have a sense of urgency about completion. I can't ignore that. 

 CAN'T.

WILL NOT.

IGNORE.

 IT

ANYMORE.

So, it's settled right?  I am going to start a business, write a book, be a killer mom, an awesome wife, and continue to focus on my health by exercising and losing weight and running and working out and dancing and lifting weights and strength training and focusing on nutrition and getting enough sleep and drinking enough water and growing my own garden and eating healthy and and and and....

AND

I am going to do it all with Systemic Lupus.  I am going to keep my 'dukes up' and battle and fight and be fierce about not giving in.  I am going to race to my 'dreams' one teeny step ahead of a disease that could, if it wanted, take my life, anytime I let it win.

THAT ALL SOUNDS SCARY

But, I know the SECRET.

I do.

It is simply

HIM

Jesus Christ is real.  He does in fact, know ME.  He wants me to grow and succeed and learn.  I know that like I know all of the struggle and stress of the above goals are IMPOSSIBLE without His help.

I do not launch into my life alone each day to stand without His help.  I'm only the shell, or conduit, or vessel for a rich life blessed by His light and love and joy.  He loves me ANYWAY.  He is absolutely there, I know it.  I believe him and what he taught and I know when I align my life in direct parallel with his I am happier and more joyful and more successful. 

Its not ME.... its Him.

That is how 2012 will work.

I'll do my very best and He will make up the difference.

I am so filled with gratitude for the balance only He gives.