I'm a professional. Professional dieter. Did you know that? I probably know more about nutrition and exercise and dieting than anyone else I know. Yet, I have failed and yo yoed, myself into an extreme range on the scale. I have clothes in about a 10 different size range.
I have lost enormous amounts of weight over the years, if you total it all. AND, have gained it all back lots of times.
I have always done it by myself. I am stubborn, personal and private.
This time, I am sticking a toe in the warm and loving water of camaraderie and support. I have always missed this piece in my efforts. I have never let anyone help me.
So, its time. Ouch. Nervous. Freaking out.
We will see if it makes the difference.
I want to also leave my excuses here. I don't want to use them anymore.
1. My Lupus keeps me from feeling good enough to excercise.
2. My joints hurt, I am in too much pain to move or exercise.
3. Taking steroids makes me perpetually hungry and swollen
4. Taking steroids makes me gain weight.
5. Healthy food costs to much, fresh meat and veggies are expensive and I don't have the resources right now.
6. But, its Christmas, New Years, My birthday, Mother's day, Easter, Graduation, Vacation, Friday night, a BBQ, a game, General Conference ETC,....ETC,.... ETC,....
7. If I lose the weight, men look at me and I would rather be hidden and 'off the radar'
8. Its too much work to make food just for me, AND for the rest of the family
9. Its raining and I will get sick if I am cold for too long
10. I need my 4 o'clock coke for the energy to get through the night.
Okay, there are 10 reasons I'm leaving here on this page and not taking them with me for the next 10 weeks.
I remember when this photo was taken at BYU Hawaii. I remember feeling fat and ugly. I was so foolish and so silly. I will never look like that again, as I am 40 years old and have had 3 kids and a myriad of illnesses. I don't expect that, I just want to be well this time and forget how I look. I've got to get past the surface this time. If I thought I was fat and ugly here, then, I've been WAY off on my self perception for a long long time.
I need to repent. It really comes to that. I need to take better care of this body I have been blessed with. I am going to do better, and this time ask for some help. I am going to admit I can't do it alone and pray everyday to 'make my weak things strong again' and then hold on with all my might!
We'll see...Wish me luck!
GOOOOOOOOOOD LUUUUUUUUUUUCK!!!!!!!!! I'm shouting it from my house to your house! Can you hear it? Seriously on the roof! =) I KNOW you can do it and I will be there for you every step of the way if you need it. I'm gonna need it that's for sure! I LOVE YOU! You're amazing and beautiful!
ReplyDeleteLove you! I'm right there with you on all the excuses, as well as my afternoon sugar cravings. Sending a prayer your way!
ReplyDeleteHey, #6 excuse is my life! Don't tell me I'm wrong! Just today I thought, hey, it's Coleman's last day of school. I'd better celebrate by going to get a Steak and Everything. What a horrible mother I'd be if I let him eat it alone! Never! And then those crazy bread sticks we got from Little Caesars for Cy and Calvin were free from the library so they were calorie free, too right? THen came the movie we went to. I made little grahams with nutella on them because I am too cheap to buy treats, but I'm having allergies and it just feels better to eat instead of sneeze so I brought some for me even though I wasn't remotely hungry from lunch! Heaven help all of us! But, . . . I DO think there is something about letting yourself have things you love once a week. I know you can still lose weight that way. You can do it, Deb. I love you!
ReplyDeleteAnd by the way I had no idea that you changed your blog. I don't know what I was thinking when I got your email. I haven't been to my blog in forever, but when I would be there I was noticing that you haven't written for 5 months! I just assumed you were into Facebook and had quit blogging! Then, Coleman pulled this up today and I have had a blast reading through your amazing and inspiring posts! I am sick that I've missed all of these! Not anymore, I added the right address to my bar so we are set. Glad to be back! Also, hilarious that Lindsay is a cake-shover, the picture is unbelievable! I am not a cake shover in the least and luckily, neither is Cam, but we have other ways of being real, I hope! I've got more reading to do on your blog, but I just wanted you to know why I haven't left any comments! I was in la la land.
ReplyDeleteDeb, as a fellow yo-yoer, self-justifier, keep-the-men-at-bayer, all I can say is I can totally sympathize. I've been fluctuating up and down 30 pounds for most of my adult life! What finally made the difference -- and this is the real deal, mind you -- was a book I picked up called "A Course In Weight Loss" by Marianne Williamson. It helps you get down to the emotional-mental-spiritual core of the hows/whys/whens and so forth of our relationship with food and body size. I'd recommend it to anyone! It has made all the difference in helping me dismantle the brick wall of weight once and for all!
ReplyDeleteSuzanne-What a timely comment. I was just thinking about which pieces I have always missed. This one is key. I am going to grab it on my Kindle tonight and I am grateful you took time to share that! Thank you Suz.
ReplyDeleteYou do know my middle name is Suzanne right? See we are kindred spirits girl :)
I am so hearing you. And you are one of the most beautiful, dynamic people I know. This post really hits home for me.
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