Isms, Irks and a Ravenous case of the Crazies

Me? I am a solitary soul. I crave quiet, alone and unfettered like a junkie needs a fix, a fattie needs a powdered donut or a smoker needs a shlag. I like being alone. NO, that's not true. I love it. I relish in it. I get an immediate jolt of gleeful happiness when left alone. For a few moments, I just sit or stand in the quiet and listen. I take my multi thought processing and turn the volume down. I cast the sound of trumpet practice, dance music and drums aside into the mental drawer labeled, "loud for later" and close my eyes. Counting the solitary seconds and enumerating the singularity of solitude I languish. I seriously do, I LANGUISH....linger and feel like laughing out loud hysterically. I am alone! Finally... tee hee hee hee hee, giggle giggle glee glee gleeeeeeeeee

Lately, though......well.....there is someone else in my house in the morning. He is, well..... here. I mean this in the most loving way conceivable, but, .....well. I'm sort of territorial. That's not exactly true. I am extremely territorial. I once pulled out an entire row of mature rhododendrons from beside my house in the dark of night because a neighbor crossed 'the line' between our yards and killed my pumpkins. (promises for this story later, its a classic). My point being, well, I don't like people touching my things!!!!!!! Or occupying my space. There,... its out, for once and for all. I'm a royal jerk. I am mean. I am not good at sharing. I am a preschool teacher. I teach sharing for a living, and well,....I stink at it. Sue me. I am a space hog.

The Ism and Irk is that my perfect, darling and completely guileless husband is now unemployed and well, to put it bluntly......cramping my style. He is a much adored and cherished husband and father. Don't read me too mean here, but,... Doesn't he know after 15 years that I like to walk/run/jog by myself with my earphones in cranked up to the hilt? I don't want to go with anyone else. I like walking by myself! That is why I go alone. To be alone is the reason I go. How could he not know, that there is a 'routine' in the morning we have been following FOREVER and it does not include 'made to order' breakfasts? Is it possible that he doesn't know that EVERY time I get in or out of the car I change the laundry? And, well, if he is home in the day, he should too? While its true, I have 20 minutes between kids heading to school and kids coming to preschool, could he not know that I am under the gun to get things set for preschool and do not have time to talk or navigate my way through our errands and activities for the day right then in those precious minutes before I am Miss Debi?

Adam's face here symbolically says it best. AAAAAAaaaaaahhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!

If I thought he was on a vacation for 3 weeks I would act so differently. I would take all the time and patience and loving attentiveness he needs, wrap it in a pretty bow and deliver it to him on a silver platter every morning gladly.

but.......well......that is not whats happening

it turns out "I" am the one who is adjusting, changing and becoming malleable.

My sense is that it will get better soon, and we will both adjust to this change. I will eventually relish in adding one more tuna sanny to the lunch hour and will eventually miss the companionship....but for now....well.....I've been infected with

A RAVENOUS CASE OF THE CRAZIES





(also, it does not help that we haven't seen the sun in Seattle for weeks on end, if I were to have a brief respite including sunshine and some alone time in our garden, I would surely be cured instantly.)